First Day of School

August 10. 2017

Yesterday, my oldest son started Pre-K. **Cue all the mommy stress.**

He did amazingly well.  He didn't cry at all.  Honestly, I don't think he cared one iota when we left. It made my heart both sorrowful and super proud. Obviously, we've done something right, but oh man do I long for the days he would cling to my leg when I was trying to get out the door. He's no longer mommy's baby. He's a big boy, or at least that's what he tells me.

Isn't it weird how our lives change? Two years ago, he was this little toddler baby with chubby cheeks and curly hair.  He needed me desperately. Now, he's walking out the door with a backpack bigger than he is and a ridiculous amount of excitement.  It took all I had not to ugly cry when we left him at school at the end of parent orientation.

Being his mother has consumed me. It does all of us who take on the roll of motherhood. We eat, sleep, and breath our children. Our goal is to raise functional human beings, but when they actually start to become those function human beings we are rendered brokenhearted.  We riddle ourselves with worry and anxiety knowing we can't be there every second to protect them. I've prayed numerous times for his safety, both physically and mentally. I've prayed he'll make friends. I've prayed he'll actually eat his lunch. You name it. I've prayed for it.

On Tuesday, I wised up and decided once and for all to pray for myself. (I know, right?) I'm sure God got a chuckle out of the plethora of terrifying movie plots running through my head. I had all but dreamed up a real life "Taken" situation involving my child, when I finally admitted I had gone too far. I threw my hands up and said, "Take this. Please."

Don't be anxious. Present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

The next morning, I was surprisingly calm. My heart wasn't heavy. It was peaceful. I wasn't crying through breakfast or first day pictures on the porch. I didn't cry as we walked him through the doors. I didn't even cry when he barely said goodbye to us going out to his first recess. I knew God would handle it. My son is His son. He loves His children and watches over them.

He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart. He gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)

I have to constantly remind myself of God's unrelenting love for us. He doesn't want us to worry. He doesn't want us to be anxious. What on earth are we going to do through worrying ourselves sick? Absolutely nothing.

Mamas - we've got this because He's got this. Let's remind each other of this when we see each other going down the road of worry. Let's be thankful for a God that loves us and our children. Be thankful for a God who knows we're going to lose our minds on pretty much every first day of school - but will reel us back in, regardless of our shortcomings.

Disclaimer: My emotions did finally get the best of me at lunch after orientation. While sitting with my mom and my youngest toddler baby, I started to cry thinking about how we were short a feisty 3 year old. But, the Holy Spirit reminded me that my time with and without my kiddo is precious. The Spirit reminded me that a time will come when my boy will be on his own. So, I stopped crying and found peace in God again. Seriously, can I get an "AMEN!"?