New Year, Still Grateful

January 11, 2018

Yesterday, I was on the phone with a marketing vendor we're attempting to use for my family's restaurant. Since my background is in media buying, it only makes sense that I'm working to help set up a demo with this vendor to see if they're a good match for us. Unlike my buying days, I've been extremely unorganized on calls and emails. After a few interactions yesterday, my stomach was in knots. The anxiety of one little media buy had my anxiety through the roof.

"That vendor was so annoyed with me."
"Were those terms right?"
"Oh no, I need more time on that demo."
"Is this really a good fit?"

My head was going nuts and was consumed with the most ridiculous thought processing. I was surely on the verge of having some sort of anxiety attack. I remembered, this is how it always used to be. I always felt like this before I left the advertising agency I had worked for right after college. My stomach was always upset. My mood was always anxious. My temperament was always short. My main goal was always to get the best deal and to be impressive. Advertising isn't the most humbling  business. You're skills are always on display, so it makes sense that you always work hard to look good - to your boss, to your co-workers, and to your vendors.

As I reminisced, I became so grateful. This one vendor had me on edge because of how different my life is now. I'm nowhere near the girl I was 3 years ago. She was self-absorbed. She was haughty. She was more concerned about herself than others, and she was awful. Sure, she was more organized and could've wrapped that deal up in a handful of emails and calls, but I definitely don't miss her. In the last 3 years, my whole heart has changed. I barely recognize my old life, and I'm so thankful for this new one. 

God has changed me for the better. He's taken my soul and made it into something beautiful. I come back to this transformation again and again because instances like this constantly remind me of how much better my life is with Him in it. My current self is all because of His love, mercy, and boundless grace. I will write an infinite number of blogs, journals, Facebook posts, etc about His transformation because I will forever be thanking Him for the evolution my heart has experienced.

Today, I had another vendor call, but my stress has diminished. I was reminded of who I really have to impress, and I no longer want to vomit because of anxiety induced knots in my stomach. This time I was confident in the One who has made me whole.

***Disclaimer***
I would like to make it abundantly clear that not everyone in advertising is a self-absorbed mess. Like any profession, there are people who cover the whole spectrum.