New Year, Still Grateful

January 11, 2018

Yesterday, I was on the phone with a marketing vendor we're attempting to use for my family's restaurant. Since my background is in media buying, it only makes sense that I'm working to help set up a demo with this vendor to see if they're a good match for us. Unlike my buying days, I've been extremely unorganized on calls and emails. After a few interactions yesterday, my stomach was in knots. The anxiety of one little media buy had my anxiety through the roof.

"That vendor was so annoyed with me."
"Were those terms right?"
"Oh no, I need more time on that demo."
"Is this really a good fit?"

My head was going nuts and was consumed with the most ridiculous thought processing. I was surely on the verge of having some sort of anxiety attack. I remembered, this is how it always used to be. I always felt like this before I left the advertising agency I had worked for right after college. My stomach was always upset. My mood was always anxious. My temperament was always short. My main goal was always to get the best deal and to be impressive. Advertising isn't the most humbling  business. You're skills are always on display, so it makes sense that you always work hard to look good - to your boss, to your co-workers, and to your vendors.

As I reminisced, I became so grateful. This one vendor had me on edge because of how different my life is now. I'm nowhere near the girl I was 3 years ago. She was self-absorbed. She was haughty. She was more concerned about herself than others, and she was awful. Sure, she was more organized and could've wrapped that deal up in a handful of emails and calls, but I definitely don't miss her. In the last 3 years, my whole heart has changed. I barely recognize my old life, and I'm so thankful for this new one. 

God has changed me for the better. He's taken my soul and made it into something beautiful. I come back to this transformation again and again because instances like this constantly remind me of how much better my life is with Him in it. My current self is all because of His love, mercy, and boundless grace. I will write an infinite number of blogs, journals, Facebook posts, etc about His transformation because I will forever be thanking Him for the evolution my heart has experienced.

Today, I had another vendor call, but my stress has diminished. I was reminded of who I really have to impress, and I no longer want to vomit because of anxiety induced knots in my stomach. This time I was confident in the One who has made me whole.

***Disclaimer***
I would like to make it abundantly clear that not everyone in advertising is a self-absorbed mess. Like any profession, there are people who cover the whole spectrum. 

A letter to my boys...

February 2, 2017

My sweet boys,

We live in a fiercely imperfect world. People aren't always kind and respectful. Chivalry isn't the forethought of many. Beliefs are persecuted and ridiculed for not following popular opinion. But! Amidst the chaos, we have a constant. We have God. No matter how sinful and ridiculous the world gets, He's there. He's always watching. He loves abundantly and blesses us continuously - whether we realize it or not. His mercy and grace, unlike your fellow man's, will never run out. (Psalm 145:8)

You're my sons, and I expect you to live like the Father's Son. No, you're not going to be perfect. Goodness gracious, no. You will make mistakes. That's how you learn. However, you are going to be kind. You're going to be respectful. You're going to show compassion and love others, even when they clearly do not love you. You will show grace and mercy to everyone around you. (Mark 6-8) You will be chivalrous. You will love God with all your heart and carry that love with you to teach to the next generations. (Psalm 78:6) In doing so, you will be the breath of fresh air this world needs.

You (and anyone else on this earth) can do anything you set your mind to, as long as you put the work into it. Don't let anyone tell you can't do something because of where you're from, your religious beliefs, your gender, your family background, or your net worth. Be strong and courageous. (Joshua 1:9) I want you to have big dreams and work hard for them. Don't expect handouts. Dig in and get your hands dirty. Remember to thank God for the progress you make and blessings you receive. God is the one who provides for us. Don't forget that. (If you do, read the book of Joshua. You'll figure it out real quick.)

Respect everyone. Don't ever look down on someone because of their gender, race, or financial circumstances. We are ALL children of the King, and we should all be treated as such. Open doors. Say hello and smile. Shake hands. Pay for the order behind you. Offer prayer. Lift people up, and watch their demeanor change as they feel God's love wash over them.

Find good girls who love you more than I do (good luck with that one). Make sure they love Jesus and are as kind as you should be. Find strong girls who have worked hard on their dreams and will support you through thick and thin. Find girls who will pray with you and be your best friend. Marry them and keep your vows.

Tell your wife you love her every single day. Pray for her every single day. Marvel at her when she makes you a father. (It's hard work. Trust me. I'll be holding it over your heads for pretty much the rest of your life so you'll know what to expect when the time comes. You're welcome.) Grow strong with each other. Date continually. Keep what made you first fall in love ALIVE.

Don't worry. Ever. (Matt 6:27) Don't be anxious. Ever. (Phil 4:4-7)  Don't argue with people when they disagree with you. Don't be resentful. (2 Tim 2:23) Be yourself, but make sure you are following what is pure, lovely, commendable, and honorable. (Phil 4:8) If you're a complete dork, be a dork. Own that limited edition Nissan Rogue One (shout out to your dad!). Know all the Disney songs by heart. Watch Star Trek and read Harry Potter. Dress up for midnight premieres and know all the members of the Fellowship of the Ring. If your a jock, be a jock. Work hard. Practice. Endure the loses and praise God for the wins. Build up your team(s) and work for that MVP. Just be you.

I'm going to love you so hard for your entire life and then some. I'm going to do my part in making both of you wonderful and loving young men. I'm going to ugly cry at ALL of your graduations. I'm going to ugly cry at both of your weddings. If you sass me, you're gonna get in trouble. If you do stupid stuff, you're gonna get in trouble. If your grades start slipping because of laziness, you're gonna get in trouble. You will definitely get mad at me, but you'll forgive me and get over. (Matt 6:14-15)

I will make mistakes. All mothers do. None of us are perfect. But, I promise to learn from them and keep on swimming. God made me your mom. Through prayer and with a lot of caffeine, I will do the best job I can possibly do. God made you YOU, and I expect you to do the best job you can possibly do.

XO,
Mom

Mommy, we go zoo and the mall?

January 19, 2017

Yesterday morning, my oldest woke up and immediately (through immense giggling) asked, "Mommy, we go zoo and the mall?" The mall and the zoo? Of course my kid just asked to go to the mall and the zoo. He's so basic. My first response was 'no'. Sorry kid. There's too much to do at home today. The sink is full (both sides). The clothes need to be folded. I'm pretty sure the toilet is growing a new species of mold, and there are puffs on every inch of floor we own.

He was crushed. He resigned himself to his morning coffee and paper (apple juice and YouTube Kids on his tablet) and went to sit in his favorite chair. I text the husband to tell him about the morning's request. His response, "Well?" Of course that was his response.  He's as bad as the toddler. But, it got me to thinking. Maybe we should? No. Stop. Get this house in order! My brain kept shutting me down. I felt like that guy in the Disney animation short before Moana.

As my brain contined shutting me down, my heart kept looking at that toddler face. One day, that face won't be in that chair. One day, that will be the face of a man that won't need you to take him to the zoo. One day, he'll drive himself and leave your butt at home because you still have house work to do. At that moment, a dreary day turned into a day for an adventure. The clouds parted. Sunbeams began pouring into our living room windows. What little rain had fallen was now completely stopped. It's like God was saying...get up and go. He needs this. You need this.

An hour later, we were in the van headed to the zoo. You know what? It was ridiculously wonderful. The weather continued to be perfect. The smiles on both my boys' faces were smiles I'll never forget. Pure joy. "Let's go to the goats! Let's see the monkeys! Time for the carousel!" He was so excited. He was so good. He listened. Seriously...listened. When it came time to leave, he didn't even freak out. Woah.

Instead of the mall, we headed to Target. Target is anything but blissful when you're with a toddler and an infant, but we were already on an adventure - so what the heck. But again, I was stunned. It actually was blissful. I even got to walk through the clothes section. Granted, it was for like 3 minutes. But! It happened. He sang me songs. We chilled out at Starbucks. He ate some Peanut M&Ms. Pure joy again.

On the drive home, I realized I was euphoric -- and not just because of the last minute Chick-fil-A run before heading to the interstate. I thought to myself...I would have missed all of this to clean a toilet - to mop the floors - to dust some shelves. I would've missed smiles, songs, giggles, everything. I thanked God the whole way home. Sunbeams were still peaking through fluffy clouds. Despicable Me was playing over the van speakers. I was teary-eyed and thanking my Heavenly Father for reminding me to be a mother, not a housekeeper. My mind kept pulling to Psalm 118:24 - let us rejoice today and be glad. Amen!

Were both boys 100% perfect all day long? Absolutely not. But the day we had was perfect, and I will pray for a million more days just like it. My house is still dirty. I did manage the dishes and the clothes today. The rest will get done...eventually. :)