It's Inauguration Day!

January 20, 2017

Yesterday, I told myself I wasn't going to watch the inauguration. Why? The amount of negativity surrounding this current political environment is overwhelming. So much hate has been spewed. So much disrespect has been spread. Not just by the people but also by candidates and citizens of other countries. I mean goodness gracious, you can't scroll through any social media platform without feeling like you've come through a battle zone.

This morning I had knots in my stomach. The thought of a new regime had become daunting. The changes that come with a shift in power are usually not small. I grew more anxious as the morning progressed. As I walked from my car to the front of the restaurant, a giant light bulb popped up over my head. Why on earth am I thinking like this? Yes, the government does control a lot, but they are not in control. They do not offer everlasting love and grace. They can't and haven't granted me salvation. Get it together woman! Your God is in control! And your God tells you not to fear anything. He is our refuge and strength, an ever-present hep in trouble. Therefore we will not fear. (Psalm 46:1-2) I prayed all the way to the front door.

My anxiety began to melt. I walked into the restaurant and immediately tuned in to CNN. Fear will not consume me. This president is not the first of his kind. He's number 45 to be exact. All the men who came before him all took the same oath. They all did what they thought was best for this country. Some did amazing jobs. Some were sub-par. Some died of pneumonia before even really taking office. We've survived each and every one of them. Why? Because God is our provider. He is our portion. (Psalm 73:26).

I've looked to God through this whole election. There's no reason for me to stop now that it's over and the reality is unfolding. I've looked to God to still my tongue when I heard others' haughty remarks. Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. (Proverbs 21:23). I've looked to him when others inadvertently made me feel less than human. I heard and obeyed when I heard...Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4: 29-32)

I have many friends who upon reading this will shake their heads and mourn the loss of my sanity. It's those friends I urge to pick up the Bible. Read the Word and find God in this. Find God in everything because He is everything. Yes, you have to be rational and cognizant of what is happening around you.  I'm well aware of what possibilities are to come. But because I look to the Heavenly Father, I don't have to worry about them. I don't have to quarrel with my fellow man on a daily basis to make it through the next four years. I will have peace no matter what happens because I have Him. The Lord is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear? (Psalm 27:1) 

So the main point is this...I've watched every single inauguration festivity that was televised today (in between customers of course). This is history in making, and I can watch it and make it through life just fine. I don't look to the president of this country to save me or make me whole. I look to the Father, and will continue looking to the Father with great thanks. I will pray for wisdom and strength for this new regime. I will pray for peace for our people. 

Update:
I feel the need to explain that back in 2009 and 2013, I was one of those people throwing haughty remarks. I was young, I was immature, and I wasn't living by God's Word. It's truly amazing how dedicating yourself to God and living a godly life can remove the bitterness from your life. Looking back on old social media posts, I was so stressed out and full of unwarranted saltiness.  Of course, I thought I was hilarious, but honestly I was just mean. I'm throwing my hands up as far as I can today and thanking the Big Guy upstairs for putting a fire under me and creating a fervor for living a more peaceful and comforting life.  

Mommy, we go zoo and the mall?

January 19, 2017

Yesterday morning, my oldest woke up and immediately (through immense giggling) asked, "Mommy, we go zoo and the mall?" The mall and the zoo? Of course my kid just asked to go to the mall and the zoo. He's so basic. My first response was 'no'. Sorry kid. There's too much to do at home today. The sink is full (both sides). The clothes need to be folded. I'm pretty sure the toilet is growing a new species of mold, and there are puffs on every inch of floor we own.

He was crushed. He resigned himself to his morning coffee and paper (apple juice and YouTube Kids on his tablet) and went to sit in his favorite chair. I text the husband to tell him about the morning's request. His response, "Well?" Of course that was his response.  He's as bad as the toddler. But, it got me to thinking. Maybe we should? No. Stop. Get this house in order! My brain kept shutting me down. I felt like that guy in the Disney animation short before Moana.

As my brain contined shutting me down, my heart kept looking at that toddler face. One day, that face won't be in that chair. One day, that will be the face of a man that won't need you to take him to the zoo. One day, he'll drive himself and leave your butt at home because you still have house work to do. At that moment, a dreary day turned into a day for an adventure. The clouds parted. Sunbeams began pouring into our living room windows. What little rain had fallen was now completely stopped. It's like God was saying...get up and go. He needs this. You need this.

An hour later, we were in the van headed to the zoo. You know what? It was ridiculously wonderful. The weather continued to be perfect. The smiles on both my boys' faces were smiles I'll never forget. Pure joy. "Let's go to the goats! Let's see the monkeys! Time for the carousel!" He was so excited. He was so good. He listened. Seriously...listened. When it came time to leave, he didn't even freak out. Woah.

Instead of the mall, we headed to Target. Target is anything but blissful when you're with a toddler and an infant, but we were already on an adventure - so what the heck. But again, I was stunned. It actually was blissful. I even got to walk through the clothes section. Granted, it was for like 3 minutes. But! It happened. He sang me songs. We chilled out at Starbucks. He ate some Peanut M&Ms. Pure joy again.

On the drive home, I realized I was euphoric -- and not just because of the last minute Chick-fil-A run before heading to the interstate. I thought to myself...I would have missed all of this to clean a toilet - to mop the floors - to dust some shelves. I would've missed smiles, songs, giggles, everything. I thanked God the whole way home. Sunbeams were still peaking through fluffy clouds. Despicable Me was playing over the van speakers. I was teary-eyed and thanking my Heavenly Father for reminding me to be a mother, not a housekeeper. My mind kept pulling to Psalm 118:24 - let us rejoice today and be glad. Amen!

Were both boys 100% perfect all day long? Absolutely not. But the day we had was perfect, and I will pray for a million more days just like it. My house is still dirty. I did manage the dishes and the clothes today. The rest will get done...eventually. :)

Thank You for this wonderful day!

January 12, 2017

Today has been a day that just makes me want to throw up. Everything seems to be going ok. I'm up on time, I'm ready on time, both kids are in a good mood...then BAM! The day turns upside down.

7:45 AM: I get the first call in from the restaurant. Story of my life. No big deal. I'll go in and handle it. At least it's not one of the core positions.

4:34 PM: The first shift dishwasher quits because of a misunderstanding.

7:30 PM: Oldest son pees out of his pull-up and refuses to leave the restaurant kitchen.

7:40 PM: Husband thinks I'm angry at him. (I'm not.) He insists I am "bitching" at him. (His words. But, I'm definitely not - though in his defense, I tend to have a rushed/impatient tone. I'm working on this, but I can see sometimes how it would come off wrong.)

7:41 PM: I immediately start crying in the restaurant parking lot upon hearing that I'm "bitching".

7:42 PM: I immediately start choking on phlegm from all the crying and cry more.

8:05 PM: I make a busboy cry. (Ok. This one wasn't my fault. It was his girlfriend's fault, but I accidentally and completely unintentionally set it off.)

My anxiety level has been through the roof. If you look at my FitBit app, you can see my heart rate spike in between 4-5 PM and 6-8 PM. Even now, my resting BPM is super high.

I'm so ready for this day to end, but I need to reflect. As Lysa TerKeurst would say, I need to find thanks in the yuck. This is the day the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

So what. It's been a bad day. Most people would look at this day and tell me to suck it up. Heck, I'm looking at this day and wondering why I'm being so whiny.

Philippians 4:4-7 says, " 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

So, let's stop whining and come to God with thanksgiving. 

6:53 AM: The baby wakes up and wants to eat and play. I didn't set my alarm and needed to be up by 7 AM. Not only did I get up early, but I also got extra baby snuggles. 

7:20 AM: The skinny vanilla syrup I made yesterday doesn't suck, and my oatmeal turns out tasting like my great grandmother's used to taste. Yum!

8:45 AM: The toddler wakes up in a great mood! Huzzah! 

9:40 AM: Contemporary Christian Radio on Pandora is really on point today. (I am currently obsessed with Big Daddy Weave.)

12:45 PM: The corn on the buffet is ridiculously good. Freshly shucked corn tastes magical. 

2:00 PM: I get to start a Bible study I've been wanting to try. It starts beautifully and gets me into reading Psalms. Again, I realize how much I love reading the Bible. God's holy word is so refreshing and such a blessing. I'm so glad I chose to stop saying "but, I don't get it" and start reading and making an effort outside of church. My life has changed so much because of it. 

4:40 PM: Regular customer sits at the table where I've been doing my study and wears my glasses as he waits for me to notice he came in while I was in the kitchen. It literally took...like...10 minutes for me to notice he was there, and it was hilarious. 

5:30 PM: The best father-in-law returns to the restaurant and gives me a hug. He's been doing this for 37 years. He totally gets it. 

6:45 PM: We're finally busy! Thank you 60 degree weather in December!

8:09 PM: We close. That speaks for itself after this day. :)

Look at that. That's a good day. Thank you, Lord! Thank you for this wonderful day. I come to you humbled and tired. I come praising you in all your glory. Thank you!

Every single day, I wake up and thank God for another day on this earth. If I could only remember to carry that thanks with me, I will overcome those minutes that make my blood pressure measure off the charts (literally). It will be a learned habit for sure, but it will be greatly needed and comforting.

In the words of my all time favorite on-screen heroine, "Afterall, tomorrow is another day." (Scarlett O'Hara)

Cancel my subscription please!

January 6, 2016

I just cancelled my Glamour and InStyle subscriptions. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. I've had those subscriptions since college. I loved perusing the glossy pages of the latest runway trends, outfit ideas, and makeup trends. The "Hey, It's Ok" section of Glamour was my guide for life. I even have a Pinterest board dedicated to it. I haven't read the first issue since April of last year. They arrive in the mailbox and go directly to a pile. Yesterday, I decided to at least go through a few from the end of the year. I couldn't do it. Now, let me explain that I will always love clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry, makeup, and everything in general about style. But unlike my 25 year old self, I no longer worship it. Couture worth more than my house payment now makes me cringe. Bags that cost more than I make in a quarter make me question sanity.

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the art behind great style pieces. Coco Chanel was a master. The work Zac Posen puts into one gown is mind blowing. (You should follow him on Instagram. Watching how he work with pleating and draping is just mind blowing.) Kate Spade accessories will always have a place in my closet. I just don't long for them anymore. I now long to fill my mind and heart with the Word and the Spirit. It feels really weird to want this. Weird, but good.

Oh, here we go. I'm slowly turning into one of those people I hide on Facebook. No, not entirely. But I am different. I like being different. I'm more peaceful. I'm more hopeful. I like the fact that fashion magazines don't bring me joy. I love the fact that reading the Bible with new eyes and understanding makes me giddy and yearn to learn more. I feel like the Israelites consecrating themselves before crossing the Jordan on their way to conquer Jericho (Joshua 3). Wendy Pope (First 5) says, "Purifying ourselves aligns our hearts with God's heart." Truth, sister. Truth.

Turning my attention to God in the past few months has been so fulfilling. The changes in my heart are immense. The changes to my attitude are becoming more noticeable. I'm still me. I'll always be me. I'm just becoming a better version of me. The version that seeks joy in everything. The version that tries to be a light for others. The version that worries less. The version that spews love. I have so much work to do. There will always be work to do. This mouth of mine will always need cultivating. My judgmental spirit will always need direction. But, this is a labor I don't mind pushing through.

So, I no longer need a monthly remind of what Kendall Jenner is wearing. It's different, but exciting. I'm looking to the Big Guy upstairs with fresh eyes and an eager heart.