Busy Little Bee

December 16, 2017

I logged on to my website today and realized the last posts were in November. Immediately, I grimaced and realized I had forgotten to post Bible study sessions and contributor blogs. Somewhere around Thanksgiving, I lost all sense of time. My rather blank calendar became full of birthday parties, school events, special church services, overtime at work, and more. Twenty year old me would've gotten around to posting those sessions and blogs. She would've been on top of it, with energy to spare. Thirty three year old me, however, is tired. Thirty three year old me just wants to lie on the couch and binge watch The Crown.

Why is it, as we get older, we let this season get the best of us? We over-commit, over-promise, and completely over-extend ourselves. Yes, I will make those cookies Yes, I will send Christmas cards to cousins I haven't seen in a decade. Yes, I will sign up for toy drives and luncheons. While I'm saying yes to all the "stuff" that comes with Christmas, I tend to completely ignore myself. I start eating weird stuff for dinner, like strawberries and cheese...because who has time to sit for an actual meal? I go to bed later and wake up earlier...because children don't sleep past dawn, apparently. And spiritually? Don't even get me started. I've completely missed the last two sessions in the First5 app (Proverbs 31 Ministries), and I don't think I've picked up my Bible outside of church and study sessions. All around, my Christmas season lifestyle is not a healthy one. So, why do I do it?

FOMO. Fear of missing out. (Don't worry. I had to Google it the first time I heard it too.)

To quote Steven Tyler, "I don't want to miss a thing!" I love being involved and volunteering. It makes my Grinch heart grow a million sizes. But, I obviously have trouble prioritizing.  Lucky for me, I have a God that knows my mind and heart inside and out. He knows my limits, and He knows I've reached them. How do I know this? Because He told me. No, I didn't have a night startling conversation with God like Samuel (although, how amazingly awesome would that be?). He told me through love - His love through others to be exact, and this is how.

Two weeks ago, our Bible study leader gave each of us a women's devotional CD from Lifeway. I popped that sucker in on the way home, and there He was. I cried. I prayed. I worshiped the whole way home. Over the next few days, my car rides became personal study sessions and times of reflection and profession of my love for my Savior. It was precisely what I needed, but He wasn't done. Next up, He got to me through a fellow co-worker. This woman is a faithful sister in Christ, and she is severely (but lovingly) blunt. As I went over all the things I had coming up in the coming weeks, she said, "What is wrong with you? I thought you were smart! Hasn't your Bible study gone over priorities yet?" It was like God was standing right there smacking the sense into me. I tried to argue that it was my duty as a mother, friend.....blah blah blah.....yeah, she was right. He was right. It was time for me to bite the bullet and make some changes.

While my calendar is still quite full, I have rearranged it, as well my mind and heart. It's really hard to admit you can't do it all, but God's grace is the most wonderful gift. While all He wants is our love and devotion, we tend to let life get a little too much in the way. We neglect ourselves and in turn neglect our Lord. My spiritual life isn't quite back to where it needs to be, but with His help - His grace - I'm back on the right track. I'm even eating actual meals now. Before you know it, I may even get a full night's sleep! Who am I kidding...my children are definitely not going to let that happen. Let's pray for one another during this holiday season. Whether your a mom, wife, sister, friend - whatever - let's just pray. Let's pray we don't lose focus. Let's pray we don't run ourselves into the ground. Let's pray we remember we have a God that loves us no matter how busy our lives seem to get.

"The grace that saved us also preserves us. We may lose [our perspective]. But we never lose our hope. Why? Because God has His hold on us." - Max Lucado from Because of Bethlehem

Raising Boys to Respect Girls

October 16, 2017

October 11th was the International Day of the Girl. Being a boy mom, I didn't think much of it. I casually looked at posts brandishing the hashtag and went about my day. As I played with my youngest, I started making mental notes of all the things we needed to start going over with him - the alphabet, numbers, phrases, etc. My brain naturally went from educational teachings to moral teachings, and in that moment, I had a realization. Even though both of my children are boys, I shouldn't brush off recognition or celebration of girls. On the contrary, I should emphasize them.


Girls are amazing. They do hard and holy things, and they work hard to change the world. (Ann Voskamp) We have to teach our boys to value them as they value themselves. We must teach them that real men hallow women (Ann Voskamp) and vice versa. Our boys need to understand how every single person on this earth matters. Regardless of gender, we are all God's people. He made all of us in His image and loves all of our differences. Gender equality is of the utmost importance. Understanding personal boundaries is a necessity. It is our job to show them that being kind and respectful can have profound effects on our fellow human beings. When we treat each other as equals, we can work harder - together - to promote the greater good.


So, where do we start? We start at home. We lead by example. Mothers and fathers should be reverent, while working together to build up their family. We are the first and most important role models our children have. If you want your sons to grow up with full hearts and open minds, you too must have full hearts and open minds. Basically, we need to practice what we preach. We need to open our Bibles to show them how God lifted up women in history and made them heroes. We need to lead our sons through the scripture giving them examples of how the humility and love of Jesus Christ saved women in need and led them to do great and wonderful things.


No girl should live in fear. No girl should feel disrespected because of her gender. No girl should feel less than what she is - a daughter of the One True King. It is our responsibility to raise sons who understand and live out these concepts. We may not be able to change the narrative in our lifetime, but we can raise a more loving and humble generation that embraces faith and a true understanding of one another.

Eyes (and Ears) on the Prize

September 9, 2017

For the past year, I've been listening to contemporary Christian music, pretty much exclusively, while I'm in the car - well, when the tiny dictators in the backseat aren't demanding to watch Trolls or Frozen. It's not because I think listening to pop music is wrong. It's just a preference for me right now.  Trust me, there are still times when I break out the ol' Hanson or Taylor Swift playlists I have on Spotify, but for the most part my radio is on J103.

Listening to worship music centers my soul. It helps me keep a Christian perspective in a world that wants me to turn everywhere but to Christ. I am, and have always been, easily influenced by music and marketing. In order for me to keep my eyes on the Savior, I have made certain changes to ensure the right things are influencing my mind, and ultimately my behavior. Music changes my demeanor. It changes the way I talk and what I talk about. So, it makes complete sense for me to switch gears away from the Top 40.

Last week, I downloaded both of Taylor Swift's new songs. While I wasn't too crazy about them in the beginning, I've been listening to them - instead of J103. They're now on repeat in my head. They're all I hear. As I drove home last night, I found myself flipping my tuner from J103 to KISS FM to see if they were on. When they weren't, I flipped over to the other Top 40 station. Still no Taylor Swift. Frustrated, I flipped back over to J103, like it was a chore. Upon sensing my irritation, I felt instant guilt. Why? Like I said, I don't think listening to Taylor Swift or any other pop music is wrong. But still, my heart felt completely conscience-stricken.

Turning into my street, I turned off the radio. In silence I started thinking about how flipping radio stations is the perfect metaphor for Christian living. Once you accept your salvation and place your faith in Jesus, you want to do better. You want to put your whole heart and focus toward Heaven. The more you learn of God's love and how wonderful His grace truly is, the better you want to be for Him. You want to worship. You want to pray. You want to become more like Jesus because He was perfect. But, the world you know still catches your attention. Your sinful nature still calls to you, because unlike Jesus, you are not perfect. You are easily tempted. There will be times you give in and "flip to a different station". There will be times your focus changes from the Holy One to something else.

But, we are lucky. Jesus didn't leave us here without help. He left us with the Holy Spirit. He is our guide and our advocate. He helps us navigate our new life after accepting Christ.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself interjects for us with wordless groans. And He who searches our hearts, knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27

So, was my feeling of regret coming from the Spirit? Was he gently reminding me how easy it is for me to simply change stations and lose sight of what is truly most important to me? Honestly, I think so, and once again I am grateful for his guidance. He knows my heart and habits. He knew the difference between my casual station flip and this new, calculated one. He realized I needed to get back on the right station before I made any changes that would distance me from God.

With all this being said, I'm going to reiterate that my listening to contemporary Christian radio is a personal choice. I'm not in any way, shape, or form judging anyone for listening to Top 40. Every single one of us is different, which means we all have to make different changes during our walk with God. I will still be buying the new Taylor Swift album. Heck, in two weeks I'm going to the 25th Anniversary Hanson tour when they stop in Atlanta. I will scream like a teenage girl, and I will be ridiculously happy about it. But, I will keep my mind and heart attuned to the Spirit because he knows my weaknesses better than I do.

First Day of School

August 10. 2017

Yesterday, my oldest son started Pre-K. **Cue all the mommy stress.**

He did amazingly well.  He didn't cry at all.  Honestly, I don't think he cared one iota when we left. It made my heart both sorrowful and super proud. Obviously, we've done something right, but oh man do I long for the days he would cling to my leg when I was trying to get out the door. He's no longer mommy's baby. He's a big boy, or at least that's what he tells me.

Isn't it weird how our lives change? Two years ago, he was this little toddler baby with chubby cheeks and curly hair.  He needed me desperately. Now, he's walking out the door with a backpack bigger than he is and a ridiculous amount of excitement.  It took all I had not to ugly cry when we left him at school at the end of parent orientation.

Being his mother has consumed me. It does all of us who take on the roll of motherhood. We eat, sleep, and breath our children. Our goal is to raise functional human beings, but when they actually start to become those function human beings we are rendered brokenhearted.  We riddle ourselves with worry and anxiety knowing we can't be there every second to protect them. I've prayed numerous times for his safety, both physically and mentally. I've prayed he'll make friends. I've prayed he'll actually eat his lunch. You name it. I've prayed for it.

On Tuesday, I wised up and decided once and for all to pray for myself. (I know, right?) I'm sure God got a chuckle out of the plethora of terrifying movie plots running through my head. I had all but dreamed up a real life "Taken" situation involving my child, when I finally admitted I had gone too far. I threw my hands up and said, "Take this. Please."

Don't be anxious. Present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)

The next morning, I was surprisingly calm. My heart wasn't heavy. It was peaceful. I wasn't crying through breakfast or first day pictures on the porch. I didn't cry as we walked him through the doors. I didn't even cry when he barely said goodbye to us going out to his first recess. I knew God would handle it. My son is His son. He loves His children and watches over them.

He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart. He gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)

I have to constantly remind myself of God's unrelenting love for us. He doesn't want us to worry. He doesn't want us to be anxious. What on earth are we going to do through worrying ourselves sick? Absolutely nothing.

Mamas - we've got this because He's got this. Let's remind each other of this when we see each other going down the road of worry. Let's be thankful for a God that loves us and our children. Be thankful for a God who knows we're going to lose our minds on pretty much every first day of school - but will reel us back in, regardless of our shortcomings.

Disclaimer: My emotions did finally get the best of me at lunch after orientation. While sitting with my mom and my youngest toddler baby, I started to cry thinking about how we were short a feisty 3 year old. But, the Holy Spirit reminded me that my time with and without my kiddo is precious. The Spirit reminded me that a time will come when my boy will be on his own. So, I stopped crying and found peace in God again. Seriously, can I get an "AMEN!"?

W.W.J.D.

July 13, 2017

Do you remember the nylon W.W.J.D. bracelets from the '90s? They were awesome, and everyone was obsessed. If you didn't have one, you were basically shunned. Okay, not really, but you definitely didn't want to be the kid that didn't have one.

Mine was purple. I wore it every single day. The purpose of the bracelet was simple. In the midst of decision making, it would remind you to think like Jesus. What would He do in this situation? Based on some of the behavior exhibited by me and most of my pals donning these neon wrap wonders, this purpose and overall message was all but lost on us. I mean, we were 14. The formal operational stage of cognitive thinking isn't fully developed until you're 16. Since most adults have trouble grasping this message, I'm definitely not surprised that a bunch of middle school kids weren't all over it.

The small group I attend just wrapped up the Seamless Bible study by Angie Smith. The last week of the study focuses on the early church and how we, as Christians, should be living in this world - - so basically, W.W.J.D. Wow, who knew that a relic of my childhood would hold such clout in my 30s? Who knew it would take me almost 20 years to truly get it? That little bracelet suddenly became much more than an accessory. It became the reminder it was supposed to be for me.

John, Jesus' beloved disciple, didn't need this reminder. He understood that Jesus was, is, and always will be about love. He understood that to live like Jesus, we need to simply walk like Jesus. In 1 John, he gives us instructions on how to follow in the Savior's footsteps.

• Walk in light - Jesus is the Light of the World. Walk in light with Him, and you will be purified by the blood He shed on the cross to save us from God's wrath. 
• Confess our sins - He is faithful and will forgive us.
• Obey His commands - Rules are in place for a reason. Following the rules brings you closer to God. There's a reason Jesus was perfect. He obeyed the Father in everything He asked. Obviously, we're not going to be perfect, but we don't have to worry because God's grace is boundless. But, we should still try to follow His commands as closely as possible. The more you love God, the less you'll want to sin - and the more you'll want to please Him. 
• Do not love the world or anything in it - Nothing in this world can or will give you what Jesus gave you on the cross. "The world and all its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."
• Love one another - the greatest commandment given to us by Jesus in John 13:34-35, "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." This one is pretty straight forward. You can't walk around saying you follow Christ but ultimately hate the people around you. That's not how it works. Yes, it's very difficult to love everyone, but that's what we're tasked with. We are all sinners, and Jesus loves every single one of us. So, W.W.J.D and spread that love around. 
• Don't deny Jesus - denying Christ means you deny God. They are a package deal. You can't claim the Father without the Son. 

Now, I have no clue where to find my purple bracelet. My guess is I lost it, which strangely is metaphor for my life after the W.W.J.D. fad. While I never stopped believing in the Savior, I made zero effort to further my spiritual life and please God the Father by studying His Word and doing His work. 

I learned today via Wikipedia that the church who originally made the W.W.J.D. bracelets created a follow up campaign called F.R.O.G. These new bracelets were to be worn with the original bracelets because "What Would Jesus Do?" Well, He would "Fully Rely On God."  Isn't that nifty? At my current walk with God, this is just beautiful. And no matter where you are on your journey with Christ, it's the reminder we all need on a daily basis. 

BRB - while I go buy the grown up version of this bracelet right now. 

The Armor of God

June 8, 2017

Have you ever noticed how fleeting a good mood can be? You wake up with a smile on your face, you only had to microwave your coffee once, and no one spilled juice on the floor during breakfast. You're in a great mood! Then...bam! It's gone. Someone calls and gives you bad news. One of your kids smacks you in the face with a toy "by accident". There goes that juice in the floor. Whatever happens to kill that wonderful mood you started out with happens quickly and is such a bummer.

My mood killer today was insecurity. I work with family, and it's easy to take things to heart when you work closely with those you love. Instead of taking criticism or instructions like a big girl, I have a tendency to assume the person giving them isn't treating me as they should. As a result, I go from "best day ever" to "no one loves me and everything is terrible" in 3.7 seconds.

Now, I'm not one to blame Satan for everything. Yes, he loves to wreak havoc, but he is not the sole reason for every bad thing that happens to us. Today, however, I am calling him out. Not only did I wake up in a good mood this morning. I woke up feeling the Spirit. I was ready to go out into the world like I had just had breakfast with Jesus. I was ready to be a light for others around me. He knew this, and was determined to throw as many of his flaming arrows at me as possible. After multiple phone calls, employees with bad attitudes, and a headache that just won't quit, he broke through. The good mood was gone, and I felt so defeated.

In Paul's letter to the Ephesians, he warns us who the enemy really is and how he tries to wriggle his way out of the dark into the light. Our struggle, my struggle, is not against flesh and blood. It is not against employees or family members. No, my struggle is against the devil and everything he uses to bring me down. Thankfully, I believe in a God that saves me over and over again on a daily basis. He equips us with the armor we need to deflect the enemy. All we need to do is remember to put it on.

As my demeanor continued to deflate, I stopped to pick up what God gave me -- the helmet of salvation and the shield of faith. In her study Armor of God, Priscilla Shirer points out that "our head can be stuck on an idea or a pattern of thinking that is detrimental to us, or rationalizing specific behaviors.  Our head can be stuck and we just can't seem to get it free." This was me this morning with my "woe is me" attitude. My mind controls every action I make - both physical and emotional. Therefore, I should guard my mind with the helmet of salvation and walk in the freedom my salvation gives me. My attitude and outward actions should be a direct reflection of Christ and the victory I have in Him. No wonder Satan was trying to drag me down! What better way to lead me astray than to take my mind off of Christ and everything He's done for me than to infiltrate my mind with an idea that just won't quit.

He is cunning, but we can outsmart him and out gun him. Paul tells us to "take up" our shield of faith. When we put our faith into action, we can deflect and extinguish Satan's fiery arrows before they're able to penetrate or even get close to our minds and hearts.  Faith in Christ is knowing that He is the Truth and the Way. Actively living in this faith, or rather willingly following God's word, allows us to defeat the scheming enemy. When we're living in faith, we're walking in the light. When we're walking in light, we're leading fruitful and righteous lives out of reach of Satan's weapons. 

So, I'm done with dodging darts and arrows today. I've got a God that equips me for battle and takes all of my worries and grievances, no matter how trivial. After thanking God for this armor and equipping myself through prayer and gratitude, the good mood is re-established. All the droopiness has been lifted, and the smile I woke up with is back. It also helped that the girl in the McDonald's drive-thru made my iced coffee perfectly. Don't even try to tell me He wasn't listening because getting an iced coffee that doesn't taste like pure sugar from McDonald's is definitely a miracle. :)

There's gotta be something more...

May 18, 2017

Do you ever feel like you were meant for something great, but you just can't figure out what it is? Before I fell head first into Jesus, I always thought I was meant to be a celebrity. I mean, I have a funny accent, big hair, and I'm hilarious. Ok, that last one is debatable. But! I just knew some indie producer would see me one day and be blinded by my Southern charm and put me in his next Sundance feature. Hey, a girl can dream.

But when I decided to live for Him instead of just myself, my sights lifted from Hollywood stardom to ministry. God has given me many gifts, and I need and want to share them. I want to help. I want to lead people to Him. I want to show those who may not believe or are skeptical of Christians that a life with Him is a life worth living. However, choosing a ministry can be daunting. When I do something, I want to give it my all. I want to make sure there's enough time and resources to dedicate. I barely see my husband or have time to clean our (extremely messy) house. How am I supposed to pledge my time to something else? How can I take the leap from spectator to player?

A lot of my hesitation is disbelief in myself. I would like to blame the devil for holding me back, but let's face it. He may want us to fail at life, but he's not the reason for every single thing that keeps you from doing what's right. That would've been really convenient though because now I realize that all my reservations are all on me. They're same reservations and doubts that keep me from getting up and going to the gym. The ones that keep me from saying yes to parties or lunch dates.  The ones that keep me from speaking up in Bible study (ok, that one doesn't  happen often, but it happens).  They seem so much louder than my ambitions at times, and I don't know how to quieten them.

What are some ways you build yourself up to work for God and help others? How do you tell your inner demons to hush, so you  can do what God has called us to do? I'm open for suggestions and some encouragement here, so feel free to put in your two cents!   If you're battling the same doubts, let's work together to put them in their place so we can minister to our communities. Maybe we'll come up with something more...something wonderful!

Your Jesus is Showing

April 24, 2017

It had rained all night and was still raining.  We were up half an hour later than usual, and I had nothing ready. My husband and oldest son were out of town, which left only the baby and myself to go about our usual Sunday activities, but the weather and their absence had thrown us out of sync. You would think getting ready for church with only one kid, instead of two, would be easier. Well, apparently it isn't. Not for me at least.

We pull up in the parking lot 5 minutes into church service. It started raining harder. Great! I get the baby to the nursery and land in my seat during the call to offering. Upon opening this week's sermon notes, I read the title - "The Resurrection Difference". We had just finished our Easter message the week before and were wrapping up the life of Jesus here on earth before moving on to our next study. I knew the story about Jesus revealing Himself to Mary, the disciples, and so many more. It's one of my favorite stories because of what the resurrection means for us. So, I was happy to see it was on the docket for the service that day. I knew I would enjoy the message, but I had no idea just how much.

I left church with a renewed sense of joy. Seriously, my soul was on fire! Have you ever had a sermon do this to you? You just know God sent that message for you alone. He knew what you needed to hear and when you needed to hear it? Although I usually enjoy our weekly message, it's not every Sunday that I get this feeling. So what was different this week?

"The Resurrection Difference" wasn't just about the Resurrection itself. It was about purpose. Even more so, it was about our purpose. The sacrifice made for us was more than just a covenant fulfilled by God. It was everything. Because Christ is alive, we are powerful. Because Christ is alive, we are strong. Because Christ is alive, we are blameless and have a glorious future. As our pastor rolled out each point, I was emblazoned with a new reason. How exciting to be reminded that the Holy Spirit is in us - alive and bold?

Jesus tells us to "go and make disciples of all nations". As Christians, it's our job to share the teachings of Jesus. Our purpose is to minister to others.  But seriously, isn't the idea of walking up to someone you don't know and talking to them about Jesus a little terrifying? If you said no, oh my gosh...teach me your ways because it down right scares me. Now, our pastor doesn't know this about me. He had no idea I had been wrestling with the Holy Spirit over ministering to others like we were Jacob and God in the desert. But God knew because our sermon closed with this, "we never know what living a life for Christ can do for someone else. Go out and make a difference. Act like He's alive. Not just on Sunday...but every day."

Woah. Okay, Holy Spirit. You win.

Yep, I hear you, Lord. Stop thinking about me, and start thinking about others. It's time to put some big girl panties on and move forward. What if I'm able to introduce one person to this glorious future? What if that one person is able to turn around and share their new relationship with God with someone else?  My initial interaction of ministering for His honor and glory could be a domino effect that could introduce an insurmountable amount of people in this world to Jesus. So, from now on, my Jesus will be showing. Fear cannot overtake me, and He won't let it.

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. 

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; 

I will not be afraid. 

What can mortal man do to me?

- Psalm 56: 3-4

Pixar is giving me all the feels.

April 26, 2017

For a 32 year old woman, I have a lot of sentimental emotions for Lightning McQueen. Yes, you read that right. I said, Lightning McQueen - as in Ka-Chow - as in #95 - as in a computer animated, precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics. If you still have zero clue what I'm referring to here, I'm talking about the animated race car from the Pixar/Disney movie series, Cars.

Lightning is a cherry red stock car with a bad attitude that gets stuck in a small town full of some fun characters that eventually help him see what's really important about life. It's a great story, and it's fun to watch. But, this isn't why I'm talking about a fictional race car.

This is why. 

This precious little dude is obsessed with Cars. Cars 1 and 2 are his favorite movies. He owns almost every single die cast model from the movies and the Cars Toons shorts. He has hats, shirts, shorts, tennis shoes, luggage, towels, bed sheets, furniture, curtains, pajamas, and even toddler briefs that feature the faces of Lightning McQueen and friends.  He knows all the racers and Radiator Springs crew names by memory. And, bless his heart - he goes around humming the instrumental theme song to Cars 2. 

This kid is invested 100% into the Cars franchise. He asks me if we can go to the World Grand Prix at least 3 times a week. When we found out Cars 3 was happening, we all got ridiculously excited. The teaser trailer came out at the end of last year. As soon as the link was live, we piled up on the couch and crowded around my phone to watch. Cars raced around a track. The animation was better than ever. It looked super real. All of a sudden tires start screeching. McQueen is up in the air, upside down, eyes closed, and breathing what may possibly be his last breath. My little dude's face turns cold, and his eyes are huge. Tears are beginning to form as he quietly, but frantically says, "Oh no....mommy?" It's too late. I'm crying. 

Come on Pixar! What have you done? I. Am. FREAKING. Out! How did I just let me 3 year old watch his favorite Disney character of all time and all around hero have a horrible, life changing accident in vivid animation? I couldn't get the trailer to go away fast enough. He was so upset, and I felt like dirt. His little eyes were still watery as I explained that Lightning just had an accident because he was running too fast and would totally fine. After a few minutes, all was well, and we was off to something else. I, however, was not fine. Why was I crying? Could the death of an animated race car seriously bring me to my knees? The answer to that question is "most definitely yes". Not because of my love for McQueen, but because of my love for my little guy. 

Isn't it funny how we, as mothers, completely lose ourselves sometimes in our kids? I would do absolutely anything to make sure McQueen is okay in this next movie. I will straight up march on Pixar if he's not! No sir, John Lasseter. You will not be making my baby cry today. I'm laughing as I write this, but it is so true. Why else would I watch Cars 2 a thousand times in a row without blinking an eye. Is it because I really think the concept of Mater being a spy is awesome? Most definitely not. (I'm really hoping Cars 3 pretends Cars 2 didn't happen.) It's because I love that child and never want him to hurt. I'm not completely naive. He'll feel these emotions one day. But, I will do my best to get him through them fairly unscathed. 

Crying along with my toddler over a cartoon makes me think of Jesus crying over the death of Lazarus. His compassion is definitely something to emulate. Being more like Jesus is something I strive for on a daily basis. I fail...a lot. When I triumph, I praise the Father for sending us such a wonderful example. 

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

Ephesians 5:1-2

One of my constant prayer requests is to be more compassionate. I guess it's only fitting that God used a Disney character to teach me lesson. He definitely gets me.

Coffee Talk

April 15, 2017

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting 40 days and 40 nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to Him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread. 

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God'. 

Every morning, I either wake up to a toddler holding my face and telling me he's thirsty or an 11 month old yelling from the nursery - don't worry, they're cute. So, it's totally worth it.  As I attempt to get my eyes open and become coherent, I drag myself out of bed to get the toddler (and myself, who am I kidding?) to the potty. We go greet the little one, change diapers, get dressed for the day, and go downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. After grabbing juice, milk, yogurt, Puffs, and feeding the cat, I finally get to start a pot of coffee - the life juice that keeps me going.

When I started to think about what to give up for Lent this year, coffee wasn't even on my radar. I've tried giving up food/drink before, and I failed miserably. I was trying to think of something that would bring me closer to the Lord. Something that would remind me to reach for Him - not something that might trim a couple of inches off my waistline or be an afterthought. I thought about this for days, never once consulting God.

On a random day in February, I was headed home from errands and had just gone through Starbucks for a venti iced latte. Both kids were snoozing in the back of the van, so it was actually quiet. I started to think about Lent again.  This time I actually decided to talk to God about it. What can I do, Lord? With a sip of my latte, He answered me. Coffee.

It's the first thing I do for myself in the mornings. When I'm tired or stressed, it's the first thing I reach for throughout the day. When I want to reward myself, I drive through Starbucks. I could feel the Spirit nudging as I took that sip. God wants to be what I reach for at the start of my day. God wants to be what I reach for when I'm tired and stressed. God wants to be what I reach for when I'm happy.  It was like getting hit with a ton of bricks. (I'm still in shock that He answered me. We all want God to speak to us like He did with Moses or Samuel. The fact that I got a push from the Holy Spirit has me awestruck.)

So on the first day of Lent, I was in Disney World. Every park has a Starbucks. I had even packed a custom Disney Starbucks shirt. (I'm not kidding either. #obsessed) But, I stood strong. No coffee. No espresso. I even passed up the French press coffee at Victoria & Albert's that I had been waiting for since we made the reservation last year. It was rough, but it made me lean on God. After returning home, my coffee pot looked so lonely. (As did the Chip coffee cup I bought in Disney.) When I passed it in the mornings, I was reminded to thank Jesus for resisting Satan's temptations in the desert. Every time I drove by Starbucks, I was reminded to thank Jesus for my salvation. It may sound trivial, but to me it was a revelation. Because of this one, insignificant sacrifice I made for 6 weeks, I now remember to reach for God and give thanks in all instances.

Today is Easter. The baby woke up about an hour earlier than usual, so I came down to the kitchen to make the him a bottle. My eyes were half open, and I'm pretty sure I may have missed a couple of steps on the way down from my room. As I poured the milk, I looked out our kitchen window. The most beautiful, pink sunrise was coming up over the mountain. Standing in awe of His glory, I prayed - bottle in hand - and thanked God for giving us His only son. The coffee pot was empty behind me, but the greatest sacrifice ever made was the only thing on my mind.

Think of a Wonderful Thought

March 9, 2017

(Full disclosure: I started this on March 9th and didn't finish it until a month later. Adulting is hard.)

A little over a week ago, our family made the trek to Walt Disney World. It wasn't our first time, and it certainly won't be our last. I initially wrote a "Countdown to Disney" blog, but I thought it was a bit trite, so it's long gone. If my boys read this later, I want them to truly understand what these trips with them and my husband mean to me. The initial countdown just wasn't doing it for me. So, here we go.

My husband and I have been to Disney more times than we can count. I completely understand this isn't the norm. Disney vacations are not the cheapest of vacations, and we are very grateful for the trips we've been able to experience. Phillip's trips started much earlier than mine and came more frequent. Before we were engaged, I had been 3 times. One of those was with family, and the other two were with our high school marching band. After high school, we both went with some friends on our senior trip, and I'm pretty sure we've been almost every year since.

In 2003, we were engaged in front of Cinderella Castle during one of the first showings of Wishes. In 2005, we were married at Disney's Wedding Pavilion.

In 2012, we found out we were having our oldest while staying at Pop Century Resort. In 2013, we announced his pending arrival. 

Little brother was announced in Fantasyland in 2015. 

Both boys have now been multiple times. They've both experienced first haircuts at Harmony Barbershop. They've both had magical moments with Cast Members and characters. They've both thrown up either on the way down to or on the way back from Florida. (Thanks little dudes.)

During this last trip, I had a moment of realization and complete bliss. Of course, I immediately posted it on Instagram....because #2017.

I seriously don't know why God chose this place for us. It's brought so much happiness to our little family, and I love it so much. My only hope is that our boys can understand it's more than just a theme park to us. It's the setting for our story. It's our movie backdrop. It's a happy thought.  

XO

I don't want to grow up.

February 16, 2017

Isn't it funny how little kids always want to be grown ups and grown ups always want to be little kids? Adulting is hard, y'all. Some days, I just can't do it. I'll put on leggings, my "I Can't Adult Today" t-shirt, put on zero makeup, and resign myself to eating cookies all day. Real life...like real adult life can kick you right in the tail sometimes. Bills, appointments, work and family schedules, health issues....broccoli...are all here to make our lives just miserable.  How do we combat this misery?

Normally, I would buy the biggest latte I could find and gorge myself on chocolate chip cookies. Since getting into Bible study, I've definitely started taking a different approach. Now, I'm not gonna lie. The latte is still part of my new approach. I love lattes. However, I now reach for my Bible instead of the Chip Ahoy because God's Word tells us everything we need to know about combating misery. My friend (and awesome Bible study leader) Julia calls it life's handbook. I can think of no better comparison.

The gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) follow Jesus during His time on earth. If you don't want to read anything else in the Bible or you're not a believer, I fully encourage you to read the gospels.  As someone who has been a believer for the majority of her life, it's super embarrassing for me to say that I just started reading these books at the end of last year. Now that I'm studying them, I am blown away by what I've been missing, and I absolutely have to share how these books are getting me through life. Jesus was inspiring when He was here. He did remarkable things and spoke about the spiritual life with such zeal and confidence. Through His teachings, you can't help but love harder, show grace more often, and feel a peace that can't be found anywhere else.

In Matthew 6, Jesus tells us not to worry. We can't add a single hour to our lives through worry. (Matt 6:27). Jesus is all we need both physically and mentally (Matt 6:25-34). If we go to Him in prayer with thanksgiving and give all our worry and anxiety over to Him, He will provide for us. It may not be how you want Him to provide. Life may actually get harder before it gets better, but His plan is always in motion. He will stick with you as long as you stick with Him. Seriously, read the last part of Joshua and all of Judges. If God continues to have Israel's back after all they do, He will always be with all of us. Knowing this gives me amazing comfort. The majority of my worries have melted away since learning more about the Heavenly Father and the Son, but sometimes life breaks me down. I let my guard down, and Satan tries to break down the comforting walls God has built up around my heart and mind. He ramps up my anxiety and tries to make me forget the One who loves me and cares for me.

For example: yesterday, I cleaned up toddler vomit out of my bed, toddler poop out of my bathroom floor, and wiped up more snot than I care to mention. I started to lose it around 5 o'clock. I became anxious and could feel my heart rate increasing. I made the decision to stop and pray. I had to pray hard - real hard. I thanked God for my boys and allowing me to be their mom. I thanked God for the love and grace He covers me with even when I've allowed myself to become overwhelmed. I asked for comfort, peace, and relief. As my heart rate started to come back down, my mom walked through the door like a prince on a white horse. She took the toddler, gave me Tylenol, and let me go run errands. She was actually later than normal, but God knew when to send her. In no way am I comparing my #momlife to the trials Israel faces in Joshua and Judges. I am, however, trying to point out that there is no problem too big or too small for God. He goes before us and combats the enemy who takes all forms. We have nothing to fear.

So, when life throws you a curve ball. Pick up your Bible and read about Jesus. Pray and be thankful for this life...even if it kinda sucks at the moment. Give glory to God in everything you do, even if it's cleaning poop off your Kate Spade shower curtain. If you still want to curl up on the couch and watch Netflix after, that's ok too. God understands that we need to recharge. But, if we recharge with Him, we'll only have to binge one season of Fuller House instead of both. ;)

And if you need a laugh (and possible Netflix recommendation), go watch Hook. It'll remind you that being a grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be. Remember to love and let others love you! That's something we can all get behind!

A letter to my boys...

February 2, 2017

My sweet boys,

We live in a fiercely imperfect world. People aren't always kind and respectful. Chivalry isn't the forethought of many. Beliefs are persecuted and ridiculed for not following popular opinion. But! Amidst the chaos, we have a constant. We have God. No matter how sinful and ridiculous the world gets, He's there. He's always watching. He loves abundantly and blesses us continuously - whether we realize it or not. His mercy and grace, unlike your fellow man's, will never run out. (Psalm 145:8)

You're my sons, and I expect you to live like the Father's Son. No, you're not going to be perfect. Goodness gracious, no. You will make mistakes. That's how you learn. However, you are going to be kind. You're going to be respectful. You're going to show compassion and love others, even when they clearly do not love you. You will show grace and mercy to everyone around you. (Mark 6-8) You will be chivalrous. You will love God with all your heart and carry that love with you to teach to the next generations. (Psalm 78:6) In doing so, you will be the breath of fresh air this world needs.

You (and anyone else on this earth) can do anything you set your mind to, as long as you put the work into it. Don't let anyone tell you can't do something because of where you're from, your religious beliefs, your gender, your family background, or your net worth. Be strong and courageous. (Joshua 1:9) I want you to have big dreams and work hard for them. Don't expect handouts. Dig in and get your hands dirty. Remember to thank God for the progress you make and blessings you receive. God is the one who provides for us. Don't forget that. (If you do, read the book of Joshua. You'll figure it out real quick.)

Respect everyone. Don't ever look down on someone because of their gender, race, or financial circumstances. We are ALL children of the King, and we should all be treated as such. Open doors. Say hello and smile. Shake hands. Pay for the order behind you. Offer prayer. Lift people up, and watch their demeanor change as they feel God's love wash over them.

Find good girls who love you more than I do (good luck with that one). Make sure they love Jesus and are as kind as you should be. Find strong girls who have worked hard on their dreams and will support you through thick and thin. Find girls who will pray with you and be your best friend. Marry them and keep your vows.

Tell your wife you love her every single day. Pray for her every single day. Marvel at her when she makes you a father. (It's hard work. Trust me. I'll be holding it over your heads for pretty much the rest of your life so you'll know what to expect when the time comes. You're welcome.) Grow strong with each other. Date continually. Keep what made you first fall in love ALIVE.

Don't worry. Ever. (Matt 6:27) Don't be anxious. Ever. (Phil 4:4-7)  Don't argue with people when they disagree with you. Don't be resentful. (2 Tim 2:23) Be yourself, but make sure you are following what is pure, lovely, commendable, and honorable. (Phil 4:8) If you're a complete dork, be a dork. Own that limited edition Nissan Rogue One (shout out to your dad!). Know all the Disney songs by heart. Watch Star Trek and read Harry Potter. Dress up for midnight premieres and know all the members of the Fellowship of the Ring. If your a jock, be a jock. Work hard. Practice. Endure the loses and praise God for the wins. Build up your team(s) and work for that MVP. Just be you.

I'm going to love you so hard for your entire life and then some. I'm going to do my part in making both of you wonderful and loving young men. I'm going to ugly cry at ALL of your graduations. I'm going to ugly cry at both of your weddings. If you sass me, you're gonna get in trouble. If you do stupid stuff, you're gonna get in trouble. If your grades start slipping because of laziness, you're gonna get in trouble. You will definitely get mad at me, but you'll forgive me and get over. (Matt 6:14-15)

I will make mistakes. All mothers do. None of us are perfect. But, I promise to learn from them and keep on swimming. God made me your mom. Through prayer and with a lot of caffeine, I will do the best job I can possibly do. God made you YOU, and I expect you to do the best job you can possibly do.

XO,
Mom

It's Inauguration Day!

January 20, 2017

Yesterday, I told myself I wasn't going to watch the inauguration. Why? The amount of negativity surrounding this current political environment is overwhelming. So much hate has been spewed. So much disrespect has been spread. Not just by the people but also by candidates and citizens of other countries. I mean goodness gracious, you can't scroll through any social media platform without feeling like you've come through a battle zone.

This morning I had knots in my stomach. The thought of a new regime had become daunting. The changes that come with a shift in power are usually not small. I grew more anxious as the morning progressed. As I walked from my car to the front of the restaurant, a giant light bulb popped up over my head. Why on earth am I thinking like this? Yes, the government does control a lot, but they are not in control. They do not offer everlasting love and grace. They can't and haven't granted me salvation. Get it together woman! Your God is in control! And your God tells you not to fear anything. He is our refuge and strength, an ever-present hep in trouble. Therefore we will not fear. (Psalm 46:1-2) I prayed all the way to the front door.

My anxiety began to melt. I walked into the restaurant and immediately tuned in to CNN. Fear will not consume me. This president is not the first of his kind. He's number 45 to be exact. All the men who came before him all took the same oath. They all did what they thought was best for this country. Some did amazing jobs. Some were sub-par. Some died of pneumonia before even really taking office. We've survived each and every one of them. Why? Because God is our provider. He is our portion. (Psalm 73:26).

I've looked to God through this whole election. There's no reason for me to stop now that it's over and the reality is unfolding. I've looked to God to still my tongue when I heard others' haughty remarks. Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. (Proverbs 21:23). I've looked to him when others inadvertently made me feel less than human. I heard and obeyed when I heard...Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4: 29-32)

I have many friends who upon reading this will shake their heads and mourn the loss of my sanity. It's those friends I urge to pick up the Bible. Read the Word and find God in this. Find God in everything because He is everything. Yes, you have to be rational and cognizant of what is happening around you.  I'm well aware of what possibilities are to come. But because I look to the Heavenly Father, I don't have to worry about them. I don't have to quarrel with my fellow man on a daily basis to make it through the next four years. I will have peace no matter what happens because I have Him. The Lord is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear? (Psalm 27:1) 

So the main point is this...I've watched every single inauguration festivity that was televised today (in between customers of course). This is history in making, and I can watch it and make it through life just fine. I don't look to the president of this country to save me or make me whole. I look to the Father, and will continue looking to the Father with great thanks. I will pray for wisdom and strength for this new regime. I will pray for peace for our people. 

Update:
I feel the need to explain that back in 2009 and 2013, I was one of those people throwing haughty remarks. I was young, I was immature, and I wasn't living by God's Word. It's truly amazing how dedicating yourself to God and living a godly life can remove the bitterness from your life. Looking back on old social media posts, I was so stressed out and full of unwarranted saltiness.  Of course, I thought I was hilarious, but honestly I was just mean. I'm throwing my hands up as far as I can today and thanking the Big Guy upstairs for putting a fire under me and creating a fervor for living a more peaceful and comforting life.  

Mommy, we go zoo and the mall?

January 19, 2017

Yesterday morning, my oldest woke up and immediately (through immense giggling) asked, "Mommy, we go zoo and the mall?" The mall and the zoo? Of course my kid just asked to go to the mall and the zoo. He's so basic. My first response was 'no'. Sorry kid. There's too much to do at home today. The sink is full (both sides). The clothes need to be folded. I'm pretty sure the toilet is growing a new species of mold, and there are puffs on every inch of floor we own.

He was crushed. He resigned himself to his morning coffee and paper (apple juice and YouTube Kids on his tablet) and went to sit in his favorite chair. I text the husband to tell him about the morning's request. His response, "Well?" Of course that was his response.  He's as bad as the toddler. But, it got me to thinking. Maybe we should? No. Stop. Get this house in order! My brain kept shutting me down. I felt like that guy in the Disney animation short before Moana.

As my brain contined shutting me down, my heart kept looking at that toddler face. One day, that face won't be in that chair. One day, that will be the face of a man that won't need you to take him to the zoo. One day, he'll drive himself and leave your butt at home because you still have house work to do. At that moment, a dreary day turned into a day for an adventure. The clouds parted. Sunbeams began pouring into our living room windows. What little rain had fallen was now completely stopped. It's like God was saying...get up and go. He needs this. You need this.

An hour later, we were in the van headed to the zoo. You know what? It was ridiculously wonderful. The weather continued to be perfect. The smiles on both my boys' faces were smiles I'll never forget. Pure joy. "Let's go to the goats! Let's see the monkeys! Time for the carousel!" He was so excited. He was so good. He listened. Seriously...listened. When it came time to leave, he didn't even freak out. Woah.

Instead of the mall, we headed to Target. Target is anything but blissful when you're with a toddler and an infant, but we were already on an adventure - so what the heck. But again, I was stunned. It actually was blissful. I even got to walk through the clothes section. Granted, it was for like 3 minutes. But! It happened. He sang me songs. We chilled out at Starbucks. He ate some Peanut M&Ms. Pure joy again.

On the drive home, I realized I was euphoric -- and not just because of the last minute Chick-fil-A run before heading to the interstate. I thought to myself...I would have missed all of this to clean a toilet - to mop the floors - to dust some shelves. I would've missed smiles, songs, giggles, everything. I thanked God the whole way home. Sunbeams were still peaking through fluffy clouds. Despicable Me was playing over the van speakers. I was teary-eyed and thanking my Heavenly Father for reminding me to be a mother, not a housekeeper. My mind kept pulling to Psalm 118:24 - let us rejoice today and be glad. Amen!

Were both boys 100% perfect all day long? Absolutely not. But the day we had was perfect, and I will pray for a million more days just like it. My house is still dirty. I did manage the dishes and the clothes today. The rest will get done...eventually. :)

Thank You for this wonderful day!

January 12, 2017

Today has been a day that just makes me want to throw up. Everything seems to be going ok. I'm up on time, I'm ready on time, both kids are in a good mood...then BAM! The day turns upside down.

7:45 AM: I get the first call in from the restaurant. Story of my life. No big deal. I'll go in and handle it. At least it's not one of the core positions.

4:34 PM: The first shift dishwasher quits because of a misunderstanding.

7:30 PM: Oldest son pees out of his pull-up and refuses to leave the restaurant kitchen.

7:40 PM: Husband thinks I'm angry at him. (I'm not.) He insists I am "bitching" at him. (His words. But, I'm definitely not - though in his defense, I tend to have a rushed/impatient tone. I'm working on this, but I can see sometimes how it would come off wrong.)

7:41 PM: I immediately start crying in the restaurant parking lot upon hearing that I'm "bitching".

7:42 PM: I immediately start choking on phlegm from all the crying and cry more.

8:05 PM: I make a busboy cry. (Ok. This one wasn't my fault. It was his girlfriend's fault, but I accidentally and completely unintentionally set it off.)

My anxiety level has been through the roof. If you look at my FitBit app, you can see my heart rate spike in between 4-5 PM and 6-8 PM. Even now, my resting BPM is super high.

I'm so ready for this day to end, but I need to reflect. As Lysa TerKeurst would say, I need to find thanks in the yuck. This is the day the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

So what. It's been a bad day. Most people would look at this day and tell me to suck it up. Heck, I'm looking at this day and wondering why I'm being so whiny.

Philippians 4:4-7 says, " 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

So, let's stop whining and come to God with thanksgiving. 

6:53 AM: The baby wakes up and wants to eat and play. I didn't set my alarm and needed to be up by 7 AM. Not only did I get up early, but I also got extra baby snuggles. 

7:20 AM: The skinny vanilla syrup I made yesterday doesn't suck, and my oatmeal turns out tasting like my great grandmother's used to taste. Yum!

8:45 AM: The toddler wakes up in a great mood! Huzzah! 

9:40 AM: Contemporary Christian Radio on Pandora is really on point today. (I am currently obsessed with Big Daddy Weave.)

12:45 PM: The corn on the buffet is ridiculously good. Freshly shucked corn tastes magical. 

2:00 PM: I get to start a Bible study I've been wanting to try. It starts beautifully and gets me into reading Psalms. Again, I realize how much I love reading the Bible. God's holy word is so refreshing and such a blessing. I'm so glad I chose to stop saying "but, I don't get it" and start reading and making an effort outside of church. My life has changed so much because of it. 

4:40 PM: Regular customer sits at the table where I've been doing my study and wears my glasses as he waits for me to notice he came in while I was in the kitchen. It literally took...like...10 minutes for me to notice he was there, and it was hilarious. 

5:30 PM: The best father-in-law returns to the restaurant and gives me a hug. He's been doing this for 37 years. He totally gets it. 

6:45 PM: We're finally busy! Thank you 60 degree weather in December!

8:09 PM: We close. That speaks for itself after this day. :)

Look at that. That's a good day. Thank you, Lord! Thank you for this wonderful day. I come to you humbled and tired. I come praising you in all your glory. Thank you!

Every single day, I wake up and thank God for another day on this earth. If I could only remember to carry that thanks with me, I will overcome those minutes that make my blood pressure measure off the charts (literally). It will be a learned habit for sure, but it will be greatly needed and comforting.

In the words of my all time favorite on-screen heroine, "Afterall, tomorrow is another day." (Scarlett O'Hara)

Cancel my subscription please!

January 6, 2016

I just cancelled my Glamour and InStyle subscriptions. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. I've had those subscriptions since college. I loved perusing the glossy pages of the latest runway trends, outfit ideas, and makeup trends. The "Hey, It's Ok" section of Glamour was my guide for life. I even have a Pinterest board dedicated to it. I haven't read the first issue since April of last year. They arrive in the mailbox and go directly to a pile. Yesterday, I decided to at least go through a few from the end of the year. I couldn't do it. Now, let me explain that I will always love clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry, makeup, and everything in general about style. But unlike my 25 year old self, I no longer worship it. Couture worth more than my house payment now makes me cringe. Bags that cost more than I make in a quarter make me question sanity.

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the art behind great style pieces. Coco Chanel was a master. The work Zac Posen puts into one gown is mind blowing. (You should follow him on Instagram. Watching how he work with pleating and draping is just mind blowing.) Kate Spade accessories will always have a place in my closet. I just don't long for them anymore. I now long to fill my mind and heart with the Word and the Spirit. It feels really weird to want this. Weird, but good.

Oh, here we go. I'm slowly turning into one of those people I hide on Facebook. No, not entirely. But I am different. I like being different. I'm more peaceful. I'm more hopeful. I like the fact that fashion magazines don't bring me joy. I love the fact that reading the Bible with new eyes and understanding makes me giddy and yearn to learn more. I feel like the Israelites consecrating themselves before crossing the Jordan on their way to conquer Jericho (Joshua 3). Wendy Pope (First 5) says, "Purifying ourselves aligns our hearts with God's heart." Truth, sister. Truth.

Turning my attention to God in the past few months has been so fulfilling. The changes in my heart are immense. The changes to my attitude are becoming more noticeable. I'm still me. I'll always be me. I'm just becoming a better version of me. The version that seeks joy in everything. The version that tries to be a light for others. The version that worries less. The version that spews love. I have so much work to do. There will always be work to do. This mouth of mine will always need cultivating. My judgmental spirit will always need direction. But, this is a labor I don't mind pushing through.

So, I no longer need a monthly remind of what Kendall Jenner is wearing. It's different, but exciting. I'm looking to the Big Guy upstairs with fresh eyes and an eager heart.